There Are Lists, And Then There Are Lists February 29, 2012

We’ve all seen the “You Might Be A….” lists before. I even have one here on the Sourdough. And they are wonderful reading; often more insightful than not.

But here’s one that will just continue to grow. Be sure to read the comments, which contain further lists. I even took notes!

History According To Kids February 29, 2012

I have no idea how old this is or how many times it has been around the outernet, but it makes me laugh out loud every time I read it. I hate to laugh alone, so I’m sharing it with you. Enjoy!

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1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies, and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sahara Desert. The climate is such that all the inhabitants had to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients. Moses went up onto Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped, “Tee hee, Brutus?”

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before the troops, they all shouted. “Hurrah!”

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcized the world with a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money, and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote “Donkey Hote.” The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote “Paradise Lost.” Then his wife died and he wrote “Paradise Regained.”

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward, and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.”

14. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he kept in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. he was very large.

15. Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote “The Organ of the Species.” Madman Curie discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

Just Deserts February 27, 2012

14If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. (2 Chron 7:14)

There is a saying out there to the effect that “countries tend to get the kind of government they ask for and deserve.” Of course, as individual Americans, there are millions of Americans who really don’t deserve the destructive, vindictive, hateful government that currently occupies our Capitol, but we do suffer for the actions of the marxists who deliberately put it into place. This “government” have been hell-bent (literally and figuratively) on the destruction of the Constitution for years, and are closer to their goal today than at any point in our history.

As a nation, we appear to be getting what we deserve, even though there are millions of real Americans who are desperately fighting against the evil designs of the marxists in government and media.

These marxist tools have asked, nay, BEGGED, for a nannystate, and forced it onto people who did not wish to be ruled by it. By destroying the middle-class economy, the current regime has deliberately forced millions of hard-working people to beg for handouts from the government. The marxists have demanded a military full of unreliable people of dubious proclivities, and WE got it, in spite of the few remaining personnel in our military forces who wish only to have the opportunity to defend the oath they took when they were sworn in.

What we got for the desires of these spurious legislators is a dictocrat marxist who is so anti-Constitutional that he has even managed to persuade democrat governors of several states to join him, not just in trampling the Constitution, but going around Congress, and ruling by fiat, regardless of the desires of voters. This group has deliberately and unConstitutionally thwarted the will of the people in forcing o-care through congress to signature without due process or debate (according to plan), and in deliberate defiance of the fact that the people were unanimously opposed to such a sweeping usurpation of their power as previously self-governing free citizens.

So, apparently, it will be left to the believers to follow the scripture verse above, and fall on our knees in contrition before the Lord God; admitting our own part in this through our past inaction, and begging for mercy for America and for our children’s children, who will be left with the burden of consequence from these past sorry choices.

Prepping The Preppers February 26, 2012

Prov.3:5Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not on thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.
8It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
9Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase:
10So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.

There’s something about America today that inspires folks to start thinking about making sure they don’t run out of electricity if/when TSHTF. Most of us, I’m sure, are of the mindset that it’s not going to happen, or that the government will always be there to help us out. Some of us have a bit less faith in Uncle Sam these days, and view government “assistance” with a skeptical eye.

But “preparing” and “prepping” can be two entirely different things. Accumulating spare parts, provisions, and property can be a very good thing in any situation. But being prepared for eventualities can be much more personal. First-aid classes, home canning techniques, other low-tech abilities and equipment can be more valuable later than they would ever be now.

But first, there are some suggestions for people who plan to plan ahead.

1. Be prepared spiritually. Having a good relationship with God helps us to have inner peace in the time of frightening things going on around us.

2. Accumulate a stash of cash. For now, this could be paper money, but don’t be afraid to take some of that stash and spend it on silver. Right now, silver is still cheap enough (around $33/oz, last time I checked) for most people to afford several ounces. “Junk” silver is old silver coins, which is a very good way to buy it if it is available, and makes it easily spendable. Gold is so expensive that purchasers will be forced to buy fraction-ounce coins. This isn’t a BAD thing, but the silver is much easier to use for commerce.

3. Instead of buying caselots of everything you might need, buy a few extra items each time you buy groceries. It’s cheaper this way, easier to maneuver, and doesn’t lock you into huge purchases and no storage space. Make a “permanent” shopping list, and put on there things that will store for long periods, and that will be used up quickly, like toilet paper or sanitary products, soap, or flour. Each time you go grocery shopping, add an item or two. Look for lightweight foil packs instead of cans or jars. Your purchases will not be as conspicuous this way, either.

4. Don’t tell anybody. If you wish, you and your closest neighbors can get together and agree beforehand to help each other out, but without this network in place, keep your mouth shut. Try not to build storage buildings that stand out, and don’t tell anybody you are building a detached pantry when you can tell them it’s a garage for your motorcycles and bicycles.

5. Don’t get fanatical about your preparations. Keep your wits about you, and go on about your life as usual. Obvious and frantic preparations are invitations to thieves.

6. Arm yourselves if you can, and aren’t afraid to shoot. If this doesn’t agree with your normal mindset, don’t do it, but realize that if you become a target, you will probably also become a victim, and all your planning and preparation will go to someone else.

Pray now that these things don’t come to pass, and that your prepaprations are going to just mean you will not have to shop as often as before. KEEP YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU at all times. A hysterical, frantic citizen is a sitting duck for thieves. Stay low-key and keep your prayer life up, and if you aren’t in the habit of praying regularly, it’s one habit that you can pick up that will always be beneficial.

My Winter So Far February 25, 2012

Moose tracks to nowhere. This shows six inches of snow on the level (In Valdez, we called this, “a little snow…”).

This would not be notable, if Wasilla’s average winter snowfall wasn’t about a quarter of what you see here. I don’t know if this is a real record-breaking snow season for this area, but it wouldn’t surprise me a bit. Here’s hoping when it finally warms up (it was 8 above this morning) and stays that way, it will stay warm enough to really make a difference. But drainage is good, so let ‘er rip.

What this doesn’t show is the fact that I’ve had to have it plowed four five times since the first snowfall, and have had to have the roof shoveled off once. The last snowfall for the season (hopefully) isn’t due before late in April. …sigh…

Things To Watch For February 24, 2012

There are some things to watch for in this campaign and election that the left is famous for, things the stupid party forgets from one cycle to the next, for some reason. Someday, I will try to figure this one out, but right now, we need to know these things. If I leave any out, be sure to add them.

1. The left is going to cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat,

CHEAT!!

2. They are going to cheat.

3. The left will probably try to cheat by refusing to count military ballots.

4. Cheating is what they do. It is the only way they can win a general election, as a rule (unless the stupid party shoots itself in the foot so early in the game that cheating is not really necessary.) But the left will, because they are so habituated to it, be cheating as busily as monkeys making monkeys. They won’t even care who sees them doing it.

5. The left will cheat by punching/printing/writing in as many ballots as they can possibly fabricate.

6. Et cetera…

Life Expectancy February 24, 2012

I just realized something. Rick Santorum’s beautiful little Bella has outlived her life expectancy by at least three full years; three years she would not have had if the current rodent had had anything to say about it.

Ash Wednesday February 22, 2012

Ash Wednesday is familiar to just about everybody. Even lots of non-Catholics know it’s the day when Catholics (and non-Catholics, as well, if they wish to participate) receive on their foreheads a cross marked in ashes. As the forehead is marked, the minister repeats the words, “Remember, man, thou art dust; and to dust thou shalt return.” Simple as that.

The cross of ashes we wear tells others the same message, and if anyone should ask, we need to reply with those words. We are being reminded of the brevity of earthly life. The time is short, the ashes say. Make good your time on earth.

The Rules February 21, 2012

1. You can’t get out of this life alive.

2. There ain’t no U-Haul behind a hearse.

In view of these rules, I feel like I should ask the people occupying in the houses of government in Washington DC what they think they are doing. They not only act like they are going to live forever, but that they will be able to take all our money with them when (or if) they go.

(Makes me want to be a mouse in the corner when every one of them, as they say variously in England, cocks up his toes and/or sticks his spoon in the wall. Definitely worth the price of admission. Just wish I could see the Judgment…)

Sun Tzu February 21, 2012

18. All warfare is based on deception.

19. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable;
when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we
are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away;
when far away, we must make him believe we are near.

20. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder,
and crush him.

21. If he is secure at all points, be prepared for him.
If he is in superior strength, evade him.

22. If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to
irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant.

23. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest.
If his forces are united, separate them.

24. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where
you are not expected.

25. These military devices, leading to victory,
must not be divulged beforehand.

Sun Tzu