Little Miss Know-It-All

One of the problems with being a Know-it-All is that people call you a “Know-it-All,” and act like you shouldn’t be alive or something. Their problem is that they are just jealous because they don’t know as much as you do, and they wish somebody would call them “Know-it-Alls.”

Another thing is that if I really knew it all, people would be always calling me “MA’AM” in capital letters, and sort of bowing and scraping in my presence. My name would probably be Marilyn Vos Savant, and I would have a little column in the “Parade” magazine that comes in the Sunday paper, and I wouldn’t have this blog because I’d be too smart for that. Or I’d be called “God,” or Supreme Intellect,” and get lots of praise and stuff.

Know-it-Alls get that way by choice. All their lives, first their parents tell them to “Study! Get smart! Ask questions! Read reference books! Look it up!” Then their teachers say the same things. So we do. And, if we remember the things we learn, we get to be called Know-it-Alls before we are even out of high school. Fun, huh?

Hardly. Supposing you are a redheaded, freckled, glasses-wearing “Best Speller in School,” “A+ In English” kind of Know-it-All in High School who’s even smarter than the Science teacher. This only gets you points with other Know-it-Alls. It doesn’t take a Know-it-All long to figure out how to play dumb in class in order to have a little popularity.

Because most Know-it-Alls are wallflowers (that’s an old-fashioned term that means that at the dances, we decorated the walls because we never danced), our social skills might have been somewhat lacking. We’d know good manners and etiquette, but not how to talk to the opposite sex–unless they were Know-it-Alls, too. Then, we’d wind up talking about science and electronics, and stuff that most mere mortals don’t know anything about (Which is probably where the term, “Know-it-All” came from in the first place, come to think of it…). This doesn’t necessarily mean that a Know-it-All of this type doesn’t get any friends of the opposite sex. It just means that they have to do their picking from among the other Know-it-Alls: more glasses-wearing, pocket-protector-sporting geeks, and nerds with wierd laughs and bad complexions, like the Haas triplets, long may they reign. (Kurt, Kenny, and Keith, where are you?)

When we do get married and have kids, we usually try to pass on the Know-it-All gene, and teach our kids to “Study! Learn! Look it up! Read refrence books! Ask questions!” so they can have the dubious pleasure of being Know-it-Alls themselves, and passing the gene on to their kids.

It’s pretty obvious these days that Know-it-Alls haven’t been doing their homework, and they are becoming few and far between. Don’t let this happen! Don’t let the other Know-it-Alls have all the fun! Get married! Raise lots of big-brained, smart babies, and teach them how to “Study! Look it up! Ask questions! Get brainy!”

Oh. And, don’t let the rest of those guys get to you with their name-calling. Remember: They are JEALOUS.